suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
