guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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