So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
