If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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