Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
