Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
