if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
