Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
