i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
