1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
