i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
