I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
