Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
