Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I want to walk on stilts...naked
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
