I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
