whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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