Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
