roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
