I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
