i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
