Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
