It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize