$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
