I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
