Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
