So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
