people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
