my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
