it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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