He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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