we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
