She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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