Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
