omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
