my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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