totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
