You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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