wat bout pragnant strippers??
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
