I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
