a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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