You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My life is pants optional.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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