Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
