Porn is love you can see.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
