I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
