ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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