his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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