Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
