At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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