some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
