Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
