Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
