Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
