Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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