I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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