Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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