9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
