You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
