Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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