The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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