I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
