That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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