Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
