My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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