Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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