I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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