the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
