Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
