i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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