idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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