I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
