just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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