the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
