i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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