Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
