I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
