Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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