I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
