People in love make me want to vomit
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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