Dual....:-)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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