I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
