Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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